"Typical"

If you really know me, you know I don't have much of a social life.  I eat, sleep and breathe media, 24/7 ... which leaves me little time to hit the Singles scene.

So, with some reservation, I delved back into the world of online dating.  *Sigh*

Now I have been on and off dating sites for about a decade now.  At different times in life I would sign up to sites or return to previous sites and see what's out there ... most times just to see if anything has changed -- and usually finding out it hasn't.  

Still, after yet another failed attempt to date the "normal" way, I return to a previously-used dating site to try once again.

Now I have been told in the real world that I need to stop being so picky and step outside my comfort zone and give men a chance ... even if they don't fit the mold of who I'd normally date. 

I've tried this before, only to regret it, but I do my best to give everyone a fair shot (until they prove unworthy).   Sometimes I will date outside of preferred age range, date men in professions I would normally steer away from, or date men in situations I would normally not. 

This happens a lot on these online dating sites.  They usually pair you up with people they consider ideal matches ... and usually they're way off from who you would chose in the real world, but I decided to check the "matches" out anyway -- ignoring my first impression (something I normally don't do).

During my browsing one day, I came across this one guy who wasn't my "type" but was a supposed match and I clicked on his profile to read it. 

He wasn't my type because he was a lot more fair-skinned (or light-skinned) that I'm usually attracted to, and shorter than I'd normally like ... but if the site said we may have some things in common, why not give it a shot right?

I threw caution to the wind and messaged him. 

He didn't say much on his profile but did mention that he was a big fan of R&B and Hip Hop music (as am I).  He also said that if you had any questions about him, ask away. 

A lot of guys on these sites complain about getting the standard "Hi" or for women to look but not speak, so I figured I'd break the ice and ask him something.


So I messaged him: "Who's your favorite rapper of all time?" 


I work in the industry (indie) and I'm sort of a music snob.  I know it's wrong but I judge people by their musical tastes lol.  Not in a bad way, but what you listen to says a lot about you ... so if you tell me you're an avid hip hop fan and you can't even identify hip hop legends' biggest hits -- I will be giving you the sideeye.

Now this guy was in his 30s and looked so put-together and preppy, so I was eager to find out who he would choose so I could learn a little about him via that choice.


A day or so later I got a reply:

 

Him: "Seriously?"

 

Me: (confused by the reply) "Yeah"

 

Him: "Typical"

Wait -- Huh? WTH?

I paused for a minute thinking "Well you asked me to ask you what I wanted to know.  This was an icebreaker.  What's with the 'tude?" 


Before I could send back a reply, he sent another message, finally answering my question: "Tupac"

But by then I was already over it ... and him. 


Like seriously, how dare you get flip at me? Maybe I should've just said "HI" like everyone else? 

Or maybe I should've just went with my first mind and not even contacted someone who wasn't my type. 


Catch 22 ... Damned if you do, damned if you don't.


Tupac though?

Now that's typical.




 

"Men Are Like Cabs"

With so many of my friends and acquaintances jumping the broom or getting engaged, a lot of questions about life and relationships are coming up. 

Though I’m happy for most that they’re starting a new life with someone they truly seem to love, with others there’s a big fat question mark after statements like: “I thought he said he wasn’t interested in anything serious.” 

Or .once you see that “She said Yes” photo of a glowing diamond you wonder (as you pore over lustful inbox messages from the very same man who is now professing his love for his bride-to-be): "Did he just wake up and decide – I want to get married now … Then reach for the closest compatible mate (or the one who’ll put up with his shenanigans without much resistance)?"

  

It leaves me thinking that old saying “You can’t turn a whore into a housewife” has no merit when the whore is a man. 

Seriously, what provokes you to be in the mood for a tryst one night and engaged the next?

How can you, while this woman is wearing your ring, truly believe you’re husband material when you’re propositioning other women?  FOH!

As more engagement announcements pop up on my Facebook news feed and in my e-mail inbox, these questions linger. 

As I said, some are just a no-brainer.  A guy has left his man-whore ways behind and truly found someone he loves … but others are just an enigma.  

No rhyme or reason for wanting to walk down the aisle other than feeling like it’s time and there’s someone in your past or present halfway worth giving your last name (especially since all her kids have it).

Just days after seeing yet another wedding announcement I was watching Sex and The City reruns … and the same topic came up in an episode called “The Big Time”.

It was the one where Carrie runs into Big on that boat, Samantha thought she was going through menopause and Charlotte ended up proposing to Trey via mere suggestion that they get married and him replying “Alrighty”. 

Anywho – In the episode, there was a scene in the bathroom of a restaurant (or club) where Miranda starts a conversation with: “Men are Like Cabs” … and the scene really hit home.  It answered some of my questions in such witty way that only the cynical Miranda could:

Miranda (or the person who wrote for her) is a frickin’ genius!  This explains SO MUCH!

Men ARE like cabs sometimes – hell, most times! 

But instead of telling you that you’re not what they want at the time, they fake you out by leaving their light on and pretending they're going to pull over.  Or worse, they drive past you and picking up a more attractive fare. 

Other times, it’s just like she said, they just ride around until they feel like flicking it on and when they see someone they like (though they wasted time and opportunity passing dozens that were wife material) it’s like -- BAM, you there – let’s commit, get in.  

[And then wonder later why it doesn’t work out (*roll eyes*)]

It’s all about timing, Miranda says.  Which I believe is somewhat true. 

I told a guy friend the other day that sometimes (especially at a certain point in life), you’re basically waiting on the right timing.

You have to meet a person who has the same needs at the same time in life to find a compatible mate.   

Age really has nothing to do with it, but your stage of life (career, kids, etc) and your needs (financial, emotional, spiritual) does. 

Some people may still be in that whore stage in life or that selfish stage and though you’re attracted, they don’t make a good life mate for you at that time.   

I know there are times when I had a good man in my life but I wasn’t able to be a good woman for him.  And by the time I got it together, they were attached or married so I left it alone. 

Most men on the other hand don’t go back to the good girls of their dating past to see if maybe there’s something there now that he’s in his right mind … they just flick the light on and choose the next desirable passenger in the present.

Miranda’s theory has stuck with me ever since I saw the episode. 

I’ve done a lot of flirting, dating and mating in my time.  And now as a single (of more years than I'd like to admit), I try to give everyone a chance because you just never know.  So I guess my light IS always on (lol) … just not for what most of them are trying to pick up! :-/ 

As I converse with guys, I learn that some of them are relationship worthy and some are just NOT.  So I can understand exploring options and waiting for the right time and the right sign.  You don’t want to waste your radiant light on someone who’s dim.

But many who are worthy will drop that “I’m not looking for anything serious” jive and just MONTHS later I’m seeing another marital status change from this very same dude who was soooo anxious about commitment. So either he was a liar, or I was busy the day he turned his light on. 

"Men Are Like Cabs" … The concept is just as liberating as “He’sJust Not That Into You”.  

Both explain frequent mixed signals that single women get from pseudo-single men.  

Now I just have to hope for the right timing.  I’m hoping one day to look up and find my cabbie at the curb, with a light shining as bright as my own. ;-) 

A Traveler's Tale

I recently took a trip to Dallas to visit a homegirl of mine for a few days (and to get out of my hometown).  As I did the last time I visited her, I took the train.  Because we have no Amtrak station where I live (Shreveport, LA), I had to hop a shuttle at our regional airport and ride to East Texas (about an hour away) to catch the train.

While waiting on the shuttle a guy came over to where I was sitting and just lingered around a bit, then sauntered over to the other side of the airport (away from me).  After about ten minutes he returned to my sitting area, and minutes later he looked over at me and hit me with the "Don't I know you from somewhere?"

Now I've been in event promotions and arts/entertainment half of my life, so a lot of people "know me". Unfortunately I'm horrible with names, but his face looked familiar -- I just couldn't figure out if he was someone I used to know, or someone I would rather forget.

Anyway, he strikes up a conversation and we try to place where we know each other ... School? No, he grew up in the "country" ... Did you date someone I know? Nope, he didn't date Shreveport girls really ...  We kept trying but to no avail, and just chalked it up to us having vaguely familiar faces.

After a while, he finally sat next to me and we chatted a bit more until our shuttle arrived.  As we got assembled to board, he motioned for me to get in line first, and although he didn't help me with my bag, he did assist a disabled lady with hers and helped her to her seat -- which got him a brownie point.  The bus was barely half full so he sat in the back and I sat in the front, and we didn't chat during the ride to the train station.

Once we got to the station, the chatting resumed, especially when we found out our train would be delayed an hour or more.  The small waiting room was too crowded for me, so I decided to brave the cold (with my blanket wrapped around me) and sit outside.  Out there, I chatted up some other travelers, including a woman headed to California and a silver-haired man who I just know was the bees knees back in his day.

After about 30 minutes outside, my chatty buddy came out there and made a bee-line to where I was.  He'd walked up the street to a corner store and announced (very proudly) that he had a margarita (the raspberry Bud Light Lime kind) --- and it was only 9 am.  In his hands was a Gatorade and a half-eaten bag of flamin' hot Cheetos.

Our chatting resumed yet again and covered everything from a sugar-content comparison between my Hawaiian Punch and his Gatorade, to our college days ... and eventually during this lengthy convo (which the woman headed to Cali joined when she returned from warming up inside) he revealed more about himself.

He said attended Southern University in Baton Rouge, majored in Pre-Med, but now works for some contracting company so he can have more reasonable hours. At first he only mentioned one child, a daughter, but in talking to the Cali-bound woman he said he had two daughters.  He also said, when we talked about cooking habits, that he was single.  He told us he was heading to Arlington and would be going back home the next day.  He said he took the train because his truck was a gas guzzler.  He talked ... a LOT.  Lol.

He never asked about me. Things just got revealed as he revealed.  He never asked for my information ... but he did sit out in the cold for 45 mins with me.  I take that as a "She's pretty cool" (literally lol).

When our train finally arrived, he sat a couple rows behind me.  I could hear him making calls and I knew one of them was to a woman by how the tone of his voice changed.  I didn't think anything of it though.

During our nearly 3-hour train ride to the DFW, he passed by and smiled and made comments but never sat down or anything.  I ended up falling asleep before we arrived.

When we got to Dallas, he was off the train so quick I didn't even get to say goodbye.  In the area where we collected our bags, I caught a glimpse of him and he looked right at me but said nothing -- acting like we didn't even converse at all.  I just took it as him being ready to go (because he'd seemed impatient at the other station).  And we went our separate ways.

Later that night, at my friend's house, I decided to look him up on social media since we didn't exchange info.  I found a Facebook page.

When I pulled up the profile ... What do I see?

His marital status: In A Relationship (Since 2012)

His girlfriend was tagged in the Marital Status as well.

And where does she live?

Arlington, TX

Seriously?

You ain't gotta lie CRAIG!!! 

I was just some chick you claim you might know that you chatted up during travel ... why lie and say you're Single?

It finally dawned on me that the reason he was acting funny when we arrived is because she was probably the one who picked him up.  Had to put on a front I guess.

(Shrug) 

Ah well, hope he had as much fun on his trip as I did on mine :)