"Men Are Like Cabs"

With so many of my friends and acquaintances jumping the broom or getting engaged, a lot of questions about life and relationships are coming up. 

Though I’m happy for most that they’re starting a new life with someone they truly seem to love, with others there’s a big fat question mark after statements like: “I thought he said he wasn’t interested in anything serious.” 

Or .once you see that “She said Yes” photo of a glowing diamond you wonder (as you pore over lustful inbox messages from the very same man who is now professing his love for his bride-to-be): "Did he just wake up and decide – I want to get married now … Then reach for the closest compatible mate (or the one who’ll put up with his shenanigans without much resistance)?"

  

It leaves me thinking that old saying “You can’t turn a whore into a housewife” has no merit when the whore is a man. 

Seriously, what provokes you to be in the mood for a tryst one night and engaged the next?

How can you, while this woman is wearing your ring, truly believe you’re husband material when you’re propositioning other women?  FOH!

As more engagement announcements pop up on my Facebook news feed and in my e-mail inbox, these questions linger. 

As I said, some are just a no-brainer.  A guy has left his man-whore ways behind and truly found someone he loves … but others are just an enigma.  

No rhyme or reason for wanting to walk down the aisle other than feeling like it’s time and there’s someone in your past or present halfway worth giving your last name (especially since all her kids have it).

Just days after seeing yet another wedding announcement I was watching Sex and The City reruns … and the same topic came up in an episode called “The Big Time”.

It was the one where Carrie runs into Big on that boat, Samantha thought she was going through menopause and Charlotte ended up proposing to Trey via mere suggestion that they get married and him replying “Alrighty”. 

Anywho – In the episode, there was a scene in the bathroom of a restaurant (or club) where Miranda starts a conversation with: “Men are Like Cabs” … and the scene really hit home.  It answered some of my questions in such witty way that only the cynical Miranda could:

Miranda (or the person who wrote for her) is a frickin’ genius!  This explains SO MUCH!

Men ARE like cabs sometimes – hell, most times! 

But instead of telling you that you’re not what they want at the time, they fake you out by leaving their light on and pretending they're going to pull over.  Or worse, they drive past you and picking up a more attractive fare. 

Other times, it’s just like she said, they just ride around until they feel like flicking it on and when they see someone they like (though they wasted time and opportunity passing dozens that were wife material) it’s like -- BAM, you there – let’s commit, get in.  

[And then wonder later why it doesn’t work out (*roll eyes*)]

It’s all about timing, Miranda says.  Which I believe is somewhat true. 

I told a guy friend the other day that sometimes (especially at a certain point in life), you’re basically waiting on the right timing.

You have to meet a person who has the same needs at the same time in life to find a compatible mate.   

Age really has nothing to do with it, but your stage of life (career, kids, etc) and your needs (financial, emotional, spiritual) does. 

Some people may still be in that whore stage in life or that selfish stage and though you’re attracted, they don’t make a good life mate for you at that time.   

I know there are times when I had a good man in my life but I wasn’t able to be a good woman for him.  And by the time I got it together, they were attached or married so I left it alone. 

Most men on the other hand don’t go back to the good girls of their dating past to see if maybe there’s something there now that he’s in his right mind … they just flick the light on and choose the next desirable passenger in the present.

Miranda’s theory has stuck with me ever since I saw the episode. 

I’ve done a lot of flirting, dating and mating in my time.  And now as a single (of more years than I'd like to admit), I try to give everyone a chance because you just never know.  So I guess my light IS always on (lol) … just not for what most of them are trying to pick up! :-/ 

As I converse with guys, I learn that some of them are relationship worthy and some are just NOT.  So I can understand exploring options and waiting for the right time and the right sign.  You don’t want to waste your radiant light on someone who’s dim.

But many who are worthy will drop that “I’m not looking for anything serious” jive and just MONTHS later I’m seeing another marital status change from this very same dude who was soooo anxious about commitment. So either he was a liar, or I was busy the day he turned his light on. 

"Men Are Like Cabs" … The concept is just as liberating as “He’sJust Not That Into You”.  

Both explain frequent mixed signals that single women get from pseudo-single men.  

Now I just have to hope for the right timing.  I’m hoping one day to look up and find my cabbie at the curb, with a light shining as bright as my own. ;-)